Fear of Fabric

A week ago the temperatures were -7 in the morning. Today it will be in the 70’s!

I’m ready for spring. After the Christmas decorations come down, snowmen go up. Until now. As I was putting things away, these stacking boxes brought me back to the time I purchased them. 1-DSCN5913My son had given me a gift card to a local quilt shop, the only one I knew of in the area at the time. I was so excited about the possibilities. I had been in the shop many times, walking up and down the rows and rows of bolts of fabric. Enthralled by the possibilities. This was when I discovered “quilt” fabric, and yes there is a difference. Up to that point I had only quilted for a specific need and bought only the amounts of fabrics I needed, always on sale at a big box store, and no more. That was out of necessity as well as practicality. Though I have since learned it is not practical to only buy what you think you need, as things happen and you wish you had bought more.

With the gift card in hand, I now had “permission” to buy “quilt shop” fabric. But, I couldn’t. I was too overwhelmed. No matter how many times I walked up and down those aisles or picked up bolts of fabric. I couldn’t do it. The thought of buying fabric for no specific reason, or “just because” terrified me. The practical side of me shouted in my head, “you have no plan,” “what are you going to do with it,” or “what if you don’t use it,” “don’t waste it on fabric” on and on the thoughts went.

So these came home with me instead:2-DSCN5917

Do I regret it? At the time I did. I chided myself for not buying fabric when I had the chance. I told myself I blew it, I won’t get another chance, it was stupid, and on and on the regret thoughts went. And yes, I do a lot of talking in my head.

I don’t regret it now. It was a necessary step in my quilting journey and one that parallels my life. I have a lot of fears that hold me back, and while fabric is minor, overcoming this fear opened up other doors for me to walk through.

I also don’t regret it because each year when I pull out these stacking boxes I remember the generous gift my son gave me and how excited I was. 3-DSCN5919

I am not afraid to buy fabric now. The practical side still kicks in more often than I like, but it is probably necessary. I am careful with my purchases and I’m cautious when it comes time to cut into the fabric, but I no longer need a “reason” to buy fabric.

I quilt now, because I was born to quilt. I quilt because I am compelled to quilt. Even if I had no fabric or thread, I’d be quilting in my head and on paper. I once heard that painters don’t have to have a reason to paint, they paint because they must. No one questions their art. This is my art form, no reasons necessary.

What are your fears? What is holding you back from what you are created to do?

Growing on the Journey, Jackie

  • val

    Thank you for sharing this post. Sometimes, I see others having closets of fabric and the practical side in me always wonders how they got so much, as I too have only bought fabric for specific projects. I have since joined a fat quarter club and will buy two or three yards of “the perfect” fabric….but still find myself being very practical. LOL!! Other than my fat quarters..I do not have a lot of extra fabric. Growing on the journey with ya I guess…with smiles! Val:)

  • Susan Owenby

    hm, interesting topic! These days, I’m not afraid of much. Five years ago – phew, I was afraid of everything!

  • Laura B

    I’m afraid of running my credit card bill too high buying fabric. LOL! But I still have a hard time buying fabric just for the sake of buying fabric. I am a planner and I like to have things planned, because I worry that when I decide what I want to use a fabric for, it might not be enough.. Should I buy one metre, or 3 metres, or just a fat quarter?